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MISREADING

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Bà Ngoại: A Call and Response

CINDY NGUYEN

To you Grandmother,
Love your bạn, em, chị, cháu [friend, younger sister, older sister, granddaughter]:

Bà đâu rồi, cháu siêu nhớ bà.
Bà có nhớ cháu của bà không?
[Where are you grandmother? Granddaughter painfully misses you so.
Does grandmother remember her granddaughter?]

And you respond,

Hôm nay tôi mệt quá. Thôi đi về đi, tôi có nhiều việc làm.
[Today I am so tired. Sigh, go home. I’m really busy.]

Today you are tôi and I the distant stranger.

By midday you transform to chị and I em. You nurture with sisterly tenderness and wonder why I keep asking you to walk with me, eat with me, and answer questions you find obvious and exhausting.

Chị no rồi, em ăn trước đi. Ngon lắm em, ăn giỏi đi.
[Older sister is full, go ahead and eat first younger sister. It’s very delicious, eat well.]

You awaken from a nap and we switch places. You clench your fingers against your body and stubbornly shut your eyes to the world spiraling around you. Không, you utter with a force of firm defiance. The sound falls like a heavy weight between us. A hollow breath and you hesitantly blink open your eyes in a frantic search for something or someone. Your eyes slip past mine.

Em mệt, chị để em nghỉ. Em không cần gì, kệ mặc em đi.
[Younger sister is so tired, let me sleep already. I don’t need anything, leave me alone. ]

Somewhere out of time and place, you find what you have been searching for. In one sweeping inhale, you proclaim the devotional melody, “Cầu xin Chúa Thánh Thần.” Each sound a ritual invocation spanning generations, moral universes, and the before/afterlife.

  • Cầu: You fall into the deep resonance of ‘pray.’
  • Chúa Thánh Thần: A rising, outstretched yearning where your voice cracks at ‘Holy Spirit.’

We chant together, sing our Ave Maria’s, and you remind your granddaughter the power of faith and prayer.

Cháu nhớ mỗi ngày phải cầu nguyện và giữ lòng tin.
[Granddaughter, remember to pray each day and hold onto your faith.]

A flicker of familiarity.

Bạn, em, chị, cháu. We sleep and wake up to a new day.

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grandma laughing
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A whispered profession to only you:

Bà bị lẫn nhưng cháu không bao giờ

  • lẫn đường về vì bà dạy cháu cẩn thận đi theo bà
  • lẫn lộn những kinh và bài hát đọc hàng ngày. Trước khi ăn, ngủ, khi lo sợ, khi đau buồn, khi thất vọng.

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