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MISREADING

A Feminist Library

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CINDY NGUYEN

VELCRO SHOES FILM

CINDY NGUYEN

A film on loss and language

Directed, Produced, Edited, Words by Cindy Nguyen

Based on the Original Essay “The Slow Undoing of Velcro Shoes” by Cindy Nguyen, Visuals by Jimmy Tran, and home video footage made by my uncles in 1990 Little Saigon, Southern California

Recent News: My film “Velcro Shoes” was selected along with 9 others to live stream in the Vietnamese Boat People Mỹ Việt Story Slam event 2020. We had a short Q&A to talk about the film, the experience of language and loss, and the bittersweet process of creating a sense of self. I also encouraged everyone to cultivate compassion and have difficult conversations.

Director’s Statement

“VELCRO SHOES” film is part of “Mẹ [Mom], Translated ,” a project on intergenerational language and love. VELCRO SHOES navigates the interwoven journey of loss and language for multilingual, third culture kids like myself. My maternal language of Vietnamese is defined by my family’s refugee resettlement in 1990’s southern California Little Saigon. Yet over time my language of expression also experienced a process of displacement. Rather than simply moving from Vietnamese to English, my language embodied our family’s living history and affective articulation of 1990s Vietnamerica.

Due to the current COVID-19 situation, my family and I have been physically separated across the East and West Coast. I initially wrote a version of this essay while living and working in Vietnam and Jimmy Tran made accompanying visuals here. In the longer essay, I reflect on how my ‘Vietnamese language’ is deeply tied to the textures of my specific family history as Catholic refugees, relocated to southern California, and coming of age in the 90’s. The initial essay meditates on the feeling of loss of maternal language and nostalgic yearning for the comforts of family, love, and acceptance.

In this film, I sought to depict how language and memories transform in ways that heal and nurture the soul in difficult times. This is the only video footage we have of our childhood because my uncles made these home videos to send to our family still in Vietnam who were not able to leave. Through making this film, I transcend the physical and temporal distance between me and my family. I remember and embrace the brighter loving moments. I hope for the time when we as a family can be reunited again.

On Velcro: Love, Language, Loss

As a kid, I was mesmerized by velcro. Velcro made life so much easier than buttons, zippers, and hooks. It made a relentless yet familiar scratching sound each time I undid it to kick off my shoes, opened bags, ripped off my jacket (those same pesky jackets that adults seem to keep bundling me up in, out fear that I would get sick from this foreign and cold American climate of Southern California).

Velcro was secure, predictable, safe. On the other hand, moving on from velcro is part and parcel of growing up, a transition to the fashion items of adulthood–refined maturity, quiet elegance, and the unnecessarily complicated world of laces.

I yearned for the simplicity and security of velcro. Yet I also feared what came afterwards. Growing up is an intertwined rope of ‘reaching for’ and ‘hesitancy of’ the familiar and the beyond. I sought to convey a childhood of wonderment and possibility in VELCRO SHOES. Yet, for me, reaching for that world beyond also meant confronting a certain sense of loss. I ‘lose’ my maternal language and the familiar world of home. I ‘lose’ a certain time and place of playful surrender without fear of judgment. By making this film as an adult, I imbue new meaning to language and loss that is textured by bittersweet love and gratitude.

Please share this film VELCRO SHOES and the project “Mẹ [Mom], Translated ,” with anyone who

  • has felt misunderstood
  • dances freely or uneasily between categories and languages
  • has used google translate with their parents and family
  • has been told “you are not really  ____”
  • does not know where or who ‘home’ is
  • wanders and wonders why

Artists, bilinguists, academics, Asian Americans, Vietnamese, everyone…I would really appreciate your feedback on this piece and the project. Please share your thoughts, feelings, feedback with me at misreadingart@gmail.com

Follow the project “Mẹ, Translated” and film/soundscapes on Youtube. Subscribe at the bottom to receive updates on new art, film, and essays.

Making Art in the Time of COVID: Why I Made the Film NONFUTURE

CINDY NGUYEN

“NONFUTURE” by Cindy Nguyen

It’s been hard. My mind, heart, and body have been on overdrive. I made the film “NONFUTURE, Meditations on Time” to make sense of it all. If this strikes a chord with you, please share.

I hope that this film

  1. brings moments of lightness in a very dark and difficult situation
  2. inspires creative experimentation to make meaning of our changing realities
  3. reminds us that we are all connected in our collective struggle
  4. sparks playful movement, gratitude, and laughter
  5. moves us to be resilient, brave, and kind to each other
From my film “NONFUTURE“

Making Sense of Time: Before, During, and After-COVID

My Film “Liberation Time” on the historical demarcation of 1975 for Vietnamese

I am a historian and my profession is to analyze continuity and change, rupture and resiliency. We are now in a historical inflection point, a demarcation of a before, during, and a difficult-to-imagine-after-COVID. Yet this history is still in the making, with endless uncertainties and implications. It feels impossible to put into words what all of this means. At times, by writing about this current moment through a historical or artistic lens, I feel cruel…to twist current suffering and fear into an intellectual lesson or artistic statement. To separate myself from the sense of shared humanity and collective suffering. To wield the historical power to float and flitter across time and space, finding patterns, exceptions, and ultimate takeaways. It’s too difficult, I confess. To find meaning in the chaos, to see beyond the horizon to a new day all the while recognizing that the day is not over yet and the worst is yet to come. 

  • From my film “NONFUTURE”
  • From my film “NONFUTURE”

Yet, in spite of the difficulty, I also recognize that I am in a privileged position to think, reflect, and most importantly to inspire hope. It must be done, I breathe. In some semblance of ‘history,’ I storytell, narrate, and find calm in all the things which border between meaningful/less. We are in a historical moment and we have the power to act in ways which define us and humanity for all of time. 

I have the capacity to write, teach, and make art that resounds, connects, and moves. That in itself is such a beautiful gift. I believe that we have the responsibility to share our talents, however big or small, to nurture the collective future of humanity.

Feeling before Thinking, the Body as a Vehicle

“I didn’t know you were a dancer!? Where did those dance moves come from?”

A few responses to my film “NONFUTURE“

I did not know I was a dancer either. In some ways, all I did was free my body to move, express, and breathe. I surrendered to feeling before thinking. In order to create the dance pieces in my film NONFUTURE, I meditated on a feeling and let that feeling stir me to move. As director, I had a sense of the aesthetic qualities and visual sentiment of the movements. Yet, during the filming I felt truly meditative and present. All the emotions that felt inexplicable—the fear, the guilt, the confusion—I channeled into movement/non-movement. During the dance pieces, a certain lightness took over my body. Maybe it was the weight of dark thoughts floating away, or maybe it was the endorphins from dancing among the trees during a warm spring day. My body felt like a vehicle for the jumble of thoughts, emotions, sleepless nights, petty arguments, and confusing uncertainty. 

From my film “NONFUTURE“

NONFUTURE embodies the yin and yang, a dialectic dance between darkness and light, confusion and hope. My surrender to movement was liberating. As I edited the film, I wanted to encapsulate this joyful lightness of being. Thus, I shaped the narrative arc of NONFUTURE towards a celebration embedded within a landscape of despair. My mother-in-law who is currently in quarantine in South Korea said she was inspired by my film to dance around the house, swaying her hips and moving her hands. I feel a heartwarming sense of accomplishment because I was able to move just one person, literally, to encourage them to move and laugh. I find this motivation to ‘move’, whether physically or spiritually, so crucial at this moment of restricted movement and widespread depression.

From my film “NONFUTURE“

For the past few years, I have been re-examining my relationship to my body—that forgotten instrument, a vehicle of my consciousness, an extension of self, my best friend and foe. This self-exploration is part feminist awakening, part confrontation with Confucian-Catholic gender norms, part surrender to a radical vulnerability. I explore this process by making unclassifiable art in the spirit of playful experimentation. I call this project “MISS/MIS.” NONFUTURE is the latest iteration of this feminist journey of recognizing, making sense of, and celebrating my body. 

My film “MISSTEP“

By being a full-stack filmmaker where I direct, edit, produce, and act—I have been able to separate my ego from the film itself. I can quiet, at least for a moment, the voices of uncertainty, embarrassment, judgment, and fear about how my body ‘looks’ or what people might ’think’ of me. As director with a certain aesthetic vision, I can communicate to ‘actor Cindy’ to channel the emotions and narrative arc. As film editor, I forget that the video footage and stills are of ‘me, Cindy,’ but instead focus on the articulate and artistic fusion of time, image, and sound to create a film. The film creation process from vision to production to reality has been illuminating, intentional, and most of all playful. 


Play on,

Play on, Cindy. 

From my film “NONFUTURE“

Making Art in the Time of COVID Interview with Eric Kim

“NONFUTURE” by Cindy Nguyen

Watch my film “NONFUTURE: Meditations on Time” here >

Film directed, written, produced, and edited by Cindy Nguyen

Photography and Cinematography by Eric Kim (Thank you for being my creative partner and patient confidant during this time).


 Music in Order of Feature:

  • Audbiobinger – “Stress,” “State of Mind”
  • The Passion HiFI – “Keep Fallin”
  • Yung Kartz – “Hallucinations”
  • Evil Needle – “Jazzy Piano”
  • Tupac – “Changes”
  • Charizma Peanut Butter Wolf – “Methods”

Translating Across Time and Space: Film Screening, Artist Talk, and Creative Translation Activity at Harvard

CINDY NGUYEN

In February 2020, I was invited to speak at an innovative event on translation and creative expression organized by the scholar Catherine H. Nguyen from the Committee on Degrees in History and Literature and the Committee on Ethnicity, Migration, and Rights at Harvard University. Together with poet-scholar Quan Tran, we shared our scholarship and arts practice. I spoke about my scholarly research and its intersections with artistic expression and personal history. It was a refreshing and radical opportunity to speak honestly about my ‘historian-artist’ identity and diverse body of work–from research essays and teaching on Vietnamese history to film-poetry on translation and feminist performance art.

[Read more…] about Translating Across Time and Space: Film Screening, Artist Talk, and Creative Translation Activity at Harvard

“Undeniable Force of Khó Khăn” Premiere at Viet Film Fest 2019

CINDY NGUYEN

Artist Talkback at Viet Film Fest 2019 Premiere of “Undeniable Force of Khó Khăn”

Joy, humility, love, fulfillment, exuberance, a bursting at the seams…I still can’t adequately express into words the overwhelming feelings and thoughts from the premiere of my film “Undeniable Force of Khó Khăn” at Viet Film Fest 2019.

[Read more…] about “Undeniable Force of Khó Khăn” Premiere at Viet Film Fest 2019

Tokyo Glances

CINDY NGUYEN

Filmscape poetry. Tokyo, 2017

Do you still remember how to rustle, shake, and dance to the melody of wind and sky? Or do your concrete mirrors only know how to stand still, bitter, and silent?

Can I hold you forever closely in this tender moment? Ah but forgetting you will make finding you oh so much sweeter.

A morning whisper mechanical steps lead me somewhere I once was.

Walk swiftly breathe gently pause abruptly. Where am I going? A second glance through the looking glass to ponder, who are you?

Susan Lieu’s “140lbs” and Artist Talkback

CINDY NGUYEN

I had the honor of hosting an artist talkback with Susan Lieu after her show in Boston in November 2019. Check out this inspiring, uplifting, heartwarming, and hilarious artist, and catch Susan’s show “140 lbs” on tour now!

[Read more…] about Susan Lieu’s “140lbs” and Artist Talkback

Conversation Starters and Questions for Vietnamese American Diaspora (Bilingual)

CINDY NGUYEN

Still from my film “The Undeniable Force of Khó Khăn”

Here is an ongoing list of conversation starters and questions as part of my ongoing #FamilyNotes project. This list is tailored to the Vietnamese American diaspora (questions are in English and Vietnamese). However, many of the questions could be used for all conversations. Thank you to all who have contributed to this list!

[Read more…] about Conversation Starters and Questions for Vietnamese American Diaspora (Bilingual)

Family Notes

CINDY NGUYEN

Sign up here to be updated by email on this project
I introduce “Family Notes” Project and read Ba/Father 23:03 at LA Review of Books 2019

Family Notes is a conversation toolkit to help facilitate intergenerational, multilingual conversations between loved ones. Rather than focus on genealogy and the concretizing of capital ‘H’ History, Family Notes welcomes the complexity of language and storytelling: non-linear, mythical-folkloric, creative, iterative, and collaborative. Family Notes Toolkit will include a 1) field notes style booklet, 2) an accompanying website for resources, and 3) ideas and examples of creative projects sparked by the conversations.

Stay Connected

While writing and researching Family Notes, I will share resources, working chapters, and media here under posts tagged FamilyNotes and on this page.

We are excited to hear from you and collaborate with you! Email your ideas and suggestions to: misreadingart@gmail.com or sign up to be informed of updates here.

[Read more…] about Family Notes

Inhale the Air of Tiger Balm / Hít vào không khí dầu con hổ

CINDY NGUYEN

In 2017 while in Hanoi, I wrote this poem in English about my grandmother. It remained in draft version as I worked on the translation, feeling inadequate and lost. During this month of Black April and remembrance, I remember them both by finally letting it go.

[Read more…] about Inhale the Air of Tiger Balm / Hít vào không khí dầu con hổ

Bà Ngoại: A Call and Response

CINDY NGUYEN

To you Grandmother,
Love your bạn, em, chị, cháu [friend, younger sister, older sister, granddaughter]:

Bà đâu rồi, cháu siêu nhớ bà.
Bà có nhớ cháu của bà không?
[Where are you grandmother? Granddaughter painfully misses you so.
Does grandmother remember her granddaughter?]

And you respond,

Hôm nay tôi mệt quá. Thôi đi về đi, tôi có nhiều việc làm.
[Today I am so tired. Sigh, go home. I’m really busy.]

Today you are tôi and I the distant stranger.

[Read more…] about Bà Ngoại: A Call and Response

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VELCRO SHOES FILM

Making Art in the Time of COVID: Why I Made the Film NONFUTURE

Translating Across Time and Space: Film Screening, Artist Talk, and Creative Translation Activity at Harvard

“Undeniable Force of Khó Khăn” Premiere at Viet Film Fest 2019

Tokyo Glances

Working Projects

FAMILY NOTES – conversation toolkit >

MẸ TRANSLATED – arts on language and memory >

MISS/MIS – feminist library >

WORK HARD. SLAY. EVERY DAY.