After both my (male) partner and I (female) proposed to each other and announced our engagement to our closest friends, I was bombarded with the following questions:
- How did he propose?
- Let’s see the rock!
- When is the date? What type of dress will you wear? What are your wedding colors? Who is in your wedding party? (And other wedding day details)
I knew that weddings and marriage were ridden with patriarchy, heteronormativity, and religious constructs of virginity, purity, and gendered roles. Yet, I was not initially prepared for the constant bombardment with gendered constructs of bride-to-be’s from the ratchet bachelorette party, unapologetic bride-zillas, to pinterest perfect brides whose every minute needed to be consumed by wedding planning.
Early on in the wedding planning, I questioned if a feminist, socially and culturally conscious wedding was an oxymoron and inherently impossible. After many late night existential conversations with my close friends, allies, and partner, I was reminded that at the core of feminism was this precise process of questioning, reflection, and conscious decision making. My partner and I thus dedicated ourselves to approaching the wedding process with a deep level of intentionality and individuality, rather than subscribing to socially constructed gender norms and religious expectations.
Thus my partner and I committed ourselves to having a socially and gender conscious wedding that involved both of us equally as well as shared with our community our spiritual, cultural, and personal history.